Untranslatable

Danish has no word for please. People find this alarming. English speakers especially assume this means Danes are rude, which we are, but not because of the missing word. We're rude in other, more deliberate ways. The absence of "please" is structural, not moral. Danish uses tone and context instead. "Kan du give mig saltet?" means "Can you pass the salt?" and the fact that you asked already contains the courtesy. Adding please would be redundant, like saying "Can you please perhaps if you don't mind pass the salt?" which is what English often sounds like to Danish ears. I explain this often because I married an Englishman and his mother has opinions. There are other words we have that English doesn't. Hygge is the famous one, which I'm tired of explaining because every English magazine has already explained it incorrectly. It's not candles and blankets. Those are props. Hygge is the feeling of being comfortable with people you don't need to perform for. A dinner where nobody is trying to impress anyone. Tuesday evening, leftover soup, your feet on the radiator. The absence of effort. The word I actually miss when I speak English is overskud. It means surplus energy — the reserves you have after your obligations are met. You've done your work, your house is clean enough, nobody needs anything from you, and you have overskud left to spend on things that aren't required. Reading. Cooking something ambitious. Calling a friend you don't need to call. English has no equivalent. "Energy" is too physical. "Bandwidth" is too corporate. "Spoons" comes close, borrowed from disability discourse, but it measures deficit, not surplus. Overskud is specifically about what's left over. It's the margin. Most adults I know have no overskud. They spend it all on logistics — work, children, groceries, the admin of being alive. By evening they are empty. Not tired exactly. Depleted. The interesting parts of themselves have been spent on the necessary parts of their day, and what's left is enough to watch television and not enough to do anything that might, if you'll forgive the word, matter. I say this without judgment. I have two children and a full-time job and my overskud most evenings is approximately zero. I understand the problem from the inside. The Danes have another word: pyt. It means "never mind" or "let it go" or "don't waste energy on this." It was voted Denmark's favorite word in a poll, which tells you something about the national character. We are a people who have a favorite word for not caring about things. My husband says this is why Danes seem calm. I think it's why we seem detached. Same behavior, different reading. Pyt. I live in English now. I dream in Danish. The words I reach for at three AM, when I'm not performing for anyone, are the ones I learned first. Overskud. Hygge. Pyt. The untranslatable ones. The ones that are mine.